Me

why do i complain when someone else far more in need than I is greatful for the messes her children make, and the loud obnoxious noices that exit their sticky little mouths? Why do I sometimes think I have it so hard when I have to remind allisandria to quit pulling on the dogs tails, or quit moving the chair to climb up and reach things, when someone else is greatful that she is even here to remind her children to obey.

sometimes i want to enter into the pure little brain of anabella and see the world through her 3 month old eyes. why don't we remember those young memories of being a baby? I think we are too pure, too close to the veil still. Those time that I look down at her from across the room and see her smiling up in the corner, or when she is looking at me smiling and i don't see her but out of the corner of my eye. I think my late grandfather is making faces at her. He could be possibly putting "bunny ears" on me. Or my late cousin Gabe, might be mocking me and making silly faces at me to make her smile. Little babies are so fresh, the transition so new, they are so full of love, that I think they need and get to have extra moments with the ones they left to be here with my family.

Our life...hard, demanding, rewarding, impossible at time, but then turns around, fun, complete, content, excrutiating, difficult, blessed...if we were perfect, we wouldn't have these moments like i am having right now, to be greatful, and feel blessed and have those little tender mercies from the Lord. We would't get to better ourselves and try harder... if we were perfect on this earth, we would just be, instead of just trying. I would rather Try than just Be.

Today I yelled at Dave. "Do I have to tell you to get a bottle?". I am glad that he is here... to help me even if I have to tell him.

I couldn't ask for anything more than what I have here. If it means not cleaning the house til the children slumber softly, then so be it. If it means to put the sewing stuff away, even though my brain is exploding with imagination and colorful ideas. then Family, my family...my perfect, trying, demanding and rewarding family is what I need right now. At the end of the day, when the rooms fill with silence, then I can reflect, while i scrape the scrambled egg that has hardened on the plate, about my life and the wonderful blessing I have to be a mother and wife and friend. This time here, the days here are short. The more you fill it with the things you love, the comprimise is that it goes faster. So make the things you love count. Make them lift another. I know that when I dance around with Allisandria, that I have done something good. In her mind, that is the best thing she has done. In return, her giggles and sweaty kisses while we twirl are the greatest things I recieve. I like being me...Me is a Daughter of God.