10 years

So excited to celebrate 10 years with this guy. Day 1. Had an eye dr appointment only to learn there really maybe something serious with my back and knees because its effecting my Eyes. More in that when I see more doctors. Dropped the littles off at friends house to stay for the night :) man I hope they were good for her. I miss my little Grey though. He's so stinking cute. First stop, pedicures. He's been wanting one for a while and loved it. Then off to pita jungle. He really loves me cause he despises that place. We were pleasantly surprised with a complimentary dessert for our anniversary. Yum! Then off to the mall to find Dave a new ring and get mine dipped and stuck together. Ben off to the amazing JW resort and spa in Desert Ridge. We enjoyed a fantastic dinner again with a complimentary dessert each :). The went shopping a little. Found me some hot new jeans from old navy which I a rare very very rare occasion. It was a fun day. Now today we will be even more relaxed. Massage...poolside.

The best me

Today was hard and good.. Weird. That seems kind of counter productive. Oh well, it is what it is. It's not fun having the muscles in your lower back wrap themselves so tightly around my spine whatever else is in there that I can practically hear screams coming from within tying to break free from being crushed. I know what it feels like to have something crushed. Trust me, it's no fun. Dealing with this pain for three days now got me thinking.
1. I don't have time for this crap. I'm a busy stay at home mom who also runs two busy businesses. If even one day goes not as planned, anxiety creeps in and craps all over my mind.
2. My 5 year old really knows how to step up to the plate and be a special helper. She has picked things up for me that I cannot bend down and lift, she has put her sister down for a nap accompanied by a pre-nap story, tucks her in and gives her a kiss, tries to pick up Greyson for me so I can meet her halfway, it's a little easier, since he is the reason why I'm in this predicament
3. Anabella really knows how to abuse the situation while I'm trying to rest in bed she sneaks out of her room and has a hay day in the living room with her baby stuff for about 45 minutes when she is supposed to be napping, only to be caught be her sister who then quotes "Bella! Get in bed! 1...2...3..." She is a little sass. I need a yard stick close by so I can whack her cause she has kept her distance when she feels the need to tick her tongue out at me or call me a bad mommy for laying on the couch and not playing with her. Oh dear.
4. Greyson knows how to do the iPad. Enough said.
5. I have a dear friends who knows how to make things better :) Karla, Michael, and Marideth.

5. The most important, is that I am reminded once again, how much my sweet husband loves me. Coming home from work early two days in a row to help me lift, clean and wipe butts (not mine ;)), give me massages, draw me Epsom salt baths and just simply watching out for me.

I realized how much time I spend not focusing on my kids. How much time I busy myself with working and thinking about work. I don't like that. I feel that a long break is gonna happen after the holiday boutiques are done. Something's gotta give right now and realizing how busy life is when you have akid in school is absolutely crazy. I don't have time to do anything else but love my kids. At least that is how it should be. I know when I take those little moments to fly airplanes with grey or wink at Bella while she puts on her shoes backwards for the millionth time, or try not to watch PIA while she pretends she is making YouTube makeup videos or taking the time to kiss my husband, I knw that's right where I'm supposed to be, that is when I am the best me.

These days

Ya know there is something to be said about being a stay at home mom. But no one can ever really prepAre you for what is to come. You start off getting married. Joining lives with someone your in love with and soon see all the things that bug the crap out of you and you think at least a dozen times that first year, "what the $&@! Did I get myself into?" But knowing you wouldn't have it any other way. Those things start to melt away in the cracks and the real love comes into play. Hard work.
Then comes parenthood. The most amazing yet hard thing you'll ever do in life. Something I longed for since I was little. Not ever thinking that I would be complaining to my mother about the terrible things my kids do and I'm sure she is laughing on the other end of the phone. Those moments when I get to call on my mommy and be her friend in a whole other way. You go every day thinking "what are we going to do today?" With a huff looking at your whole house with an array of small toys peeking out of places only a 19 month old would think of. There are moments (many) I wish I was alone for at least a few hours. To do the things I want to do. Then I'm reminded I am doing what I want to do. I chose this. I chose to color for an hour with my 5 year old today. I chose to run through the sprinkler with my clothes on. It's a battle of good and evil. Every day I can feel the adversary pull at me with little thoughts or feelings but then miracles happen immediately after. There is nothing like seeing your little boys face when he hears an airplane in the sky and those fat cheeks and teeth, the shape they make one excitement. Or when your 3 year old wakes up from her nap asking to go to target and get some turkey. The little things you can't replace not being home. I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I chose my life.